Have you ever asked yourself am I on the right path?
If yes, you are not alone.
The need for confirmation and external validation is something that I work really hard on and still keep struggling with. I have been outsourcing who I was for most of life. Needing someone else to tell me that I was good enough to do what I was doing. Whether that meant getting an acknowledgment from friends, partners, and teachers or getting a certain qualification/degree. I was not truly believing in myself without an external confirmation.
From what I have learned so far I would say resist outsourcing your life essential questions.
You cannot rely on others to believe your path before you do. This is your path, your journey, your life. Go deep within yourself to find the answers. I know it is probably easier to ask for an answer from some guru, mentor or a book/guide, but this might not be your answer and you risk living someone else’s.
How do you do find your own answers?
Simply spend time being alone. By doing so you will be able first to explore and create a bond with yourself. Second that bond you create will result in trusting your own self and furthermore will allow you to look for and find your answers.
“I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” — R.M. Rilke
Developing a relationship with yourself is a really wise thing to do because we live in a world that everything changes so swiftly.
The separation between loneliness and solitude.
Spending time with yourself may or may not cause you to feel lonely at some point. It really depends on the individual. Loneliness itself is a universal human emotion that is complex and unique to each self.
Loneliness, according to research and experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Rather, if you feel lonely and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind. For example, in my first year of university, I felt a bit lonely, no matter the fact I was surrounded by other students and roommates. However, the reasons for loneliness and needs of the people can be different and more serious than the one of my example.
The solution to that?
What you can do is try to solve this externally. Few examples you can build a large social circle and play the social circle game. Interacting with a lot of people reaching out to them constantly. There is a good book on that topic – win friends and influence people. You can take a new hobby as well or immerse yourself in your work and start chasing success. Throw parties, be a host or buy a pet cat or dog.
All these sound nice, but keep in mind that they are all external solutions. Looking outside of yourselves would result in you needing more and more of that.
What is this really solving?
You will solve your problem for a short period of time or in other words, put it under the rug. Real solution comes when we are looking inward.
Solitude, the state of being alone without being lonely.
It is really about facing this issue of loneliness. The reason you feel loneliness is because you are disconnected from being and from your true self.
“I think most people use distraction and are afraid to be alone and or sit in silence due to fear of unresolved feelings or thoughts that could come up,” says Kelley Kitley
By being, I mean simply being aware of the current moment. Being present. Being is what is happening right now, at this very second.
Solitude is when you connect with being and tap into your true self. It is the state that grounds you, it is your compass. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself, where you provide yourself sufficient company. When this happens you will no longer feel lonely and there is a really special beauty about that.
Have the courage to sit down with yourself and figure out what is going on deep down there and remember, dear friend, the greatest journey you can take, is the journey towards yourself.