Questions are setting the rhythm of the interaction. They can make us wonder. That is critical for the end of the conversation and its outcome. Even before that, a leader has been established. It is often clear that whoever ask the questions have more control in any interactions. So, he can steer the direction of the conversation and influence others. And we can witness that dynamic in every situation.
And communication is what makes us human. So, learning to ask ourselves better questions and others is essential to achieve our goals. Have you wondered why so many talk shows are taking big blocks of TV prime time? They are simply interesting because of the questions, which lead to stories and connection. And moreover…
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”Oscar Wilde
Why we are seeking power?
Asking questions itself is freedom of speech. And it is a immanent right in democratic societies that gives equal power to everybody to raise their hand and speak.
Where not many of us realize the hidden drive and reason behind it. Power is a cause of a lot of decisions we make. It was always like that. People with power were praised and respected among other. That’s how governments are operating. We all seek to have some kind of power over something. Although there is a lot to discuss about power. There is a simple understanding. Power is control. And that can be applied in different dynamics. Some of us want to fit in, others to stand out. And some are control freaks holding on to everything, trying to eliminate uncertainty. That brings us back to explore the nature of social norms and social roles that we take in everyday life. Which we choose to be in society. It is important to know your standards. Which only few people know and protect deliberately. It is vital to battle those external influences constantly trying to disturb your reality. And we know they are everywhere. From people we meet to the media we read.
That leads to two major groups of people. Those who live with integrity and those adopting someone else standards from their values and emerging goals.
Questions could wake us rethink our beliefs and paradigms. We are reanalysing our system and perceive new world. That also applies to other people as well. Where ethics takes place. And we know that living in this capitalistic economy system we rarely find authenticity. Ethics in modern society is deeply covered with hypocritical lies and profit.
But using the right questions could lead us to the right path. they are tool, which could show us the right path for our goals. Asking yourself questions is about experiences is called reflection. And reflection is a great way to extract wisdom from events that already had happened.
Have you ever wonder what to say?
Are you conveying the right massage with your expressions? Well it seems everybody has that wonder moment when you ask yourself “what should I say?”. And yet regardless of how everybody is having a though time with that it is still oblivious to others. It is hard to see how other people struggle with the same thing when you don’t.
However, there are some other dynamics going on as well. Of course, it is not true that we constantly worry to speak per se. It is just doing it in specific situations, usually with people who we don’t know well or they are representing some standard. Which standard could be perceived in three ways: common, higher and lower. And it all depends on you how would you play your cards. Nobody will put you a lower standard label which you don’t deserve. It won’t be because your clothes or whatever. It matters though how others perceive your message.
You can ignore them. But you won’t be able to ignore everybody, and live ignorant forever. That isn’t a good place to be. Instead decide to invest some time to craft your art of communication. And everybody has a new level to upgrade to. Even if you are too talkative you still can diverse your set of skills.
Talking is selling, talking is story-telling, talking is persuading, talking is inspiring, talking is motivating and above all it connects people. It makes strangers become friends. And even tribes.
And asking a question is a wonderful why to start. We are no longer in school. Questions could be fun. That isn’t an interview. It a way to spark interest. One of the basic principles of Deil Carnegie from his book “How to find friends and influence people” is be interested to be interesting.
A better question is to ask yourself not what to say, but how to say it.
“I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.” – Charles Horton Cooley
Which is pretty puzzling.
What we can do is to find a way to go around it. Create your own perceptual image for others. And thus by learning how to express yourself better.
Ask the better question.
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